Parenting Tips
Tip #1: Encourage your child(ren) to do things he/she is capable of doing. Think about how you can raise your child(ren) to believe she/he is capable. Child(ren) who have experiences of feeling capable, grow into capable adults.
For example: Allow/encourage your child to make his/her own lunch or a part of it. Kids not only feel good about themselves completing such a task, they are more likely to eat more of their lunch if they made it themselves or helped make it.
Tip #2: Avoid power struggles: Allow your child to take steps towards independence when she/he asks to do something you had not considered.
For example: Parents often have an age in mind when they think their child is ready to do something new. It may take some adjusting on the parent's part. Consider giving your child permission to walk partially home from school (if age appropriate of course). A child is more likely to seek you out for safety when needed, if you are not engaged in a power struggle around an issue. A child who knows that their parent(s) are questioning their capability, are less likely to be honest about their feelings.
Tip #3: Help your child learn how to tolerate all difficult feelings. Parents often want to rush in to make their child feel happy again. When children are in distress, parents get upset. You may not always have the time to offer empathy to your child, but when you do have the time, sit and listen. Resist the urge to fix your child's feelings. Disappointment/sadness, anger, fear and joy are core emotions. Feeling the
range of emotions (sometimes several times a day for a child) are part of life. It allows the child (and parents) to feel whole as a person. Ultimately, sharing these moments with your child leads to connection with your child and is healing for the relationship.
For example: Sit with your child quietly and mirror back what you see and what they may be feeling. Keep it simple. For instance, say to your child, “I’m noticing your head is hanging low and your eyes and mouth are drooping. I'm guessing you are feeling disappointed. You really wanted...….” Once your child feels heard, notice their body language changing. He/she will feel appreciation for you seeing them and ultimately feel your love.Your child will get that their feelings are okay. Explore what need was not meet when your child did not get what they wanted. Then ask if he/she has a request for you. You can prompt her/him by saying, any ideas on what you could do now?” Use your own words and trust that you will say the right thing for your child.
Tip #4: Point out to your child when they have made progress. Make a big deal when your child has moved towards accomplishing something. This will encourage her/him. Constantly pointing out what kids have not done, deflates them. Letting your child know when you've noticed what they have done, helps him/her feel good about themselves and will want to do more.
For example: If your child tends to dawdle in the morning when getting ready for school, point out when she/he has made even the smallest progress. Make a big deal when she has take off her pajama top or has sat up in bed. This not only encourages your child to move on the to next task, but it takes the heaviness and the battle out of weekday mornings.